Ladies and Gents!! Seeking to protect yourselves from thugs and hooligans?? Then the patented Dr. Ecamer Death Ray Tentacles are for you! A modern miracle of technology these skillfully crafted protective apparatus will stave off any attack. Includes useful commands...

"Fire Right", "Fire Left" and "Fire". But wait, there's more!
Buy now and they are designed also to react to the commands "Protect", "Slasher", and "Discoblaster."

Still unsure?? You drive a hard bargain. I will also throw in the commands "Hello" and "dance." Truly after trying a pair on you will agree that these mechanical marvels would be a bargain at twice the price I am letting them go for! Buy them for youself, your spouse, your children, anyone who might be afraid to walk the streets at night alone. Never be fearful again as you know you are packing not one, but four dynamo radium death rays on your person. Buy now!